Skip to main content

Day 1: New York

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Unfortunately, we will not be able to land at LaGuardia Airport due to bad weather ... we will instead land in Baltimore to refuel..."

WHAT? Oh great ... Here we are once again in airplane hell.

Our New York trip was supposed to be a semi-vacation and a chance to connect with daughter Alissa ... followed by a trip to Yankee Stadium to watch the Rays beat up on the Pinstripe boys (hopefully). It was all part of an auction package that I bid on a few months ago.

This 3 hour flight actually took 6 hours by the time we landed in Baltimore, refueled and finally landed in LaGuardia. During this time, we also had the pleasure of sitting in the middle of a terrific threesome: an obnoxious salesman, a crazy Puerto Rican and a stoner who kept saying he had to throw up.

The salesman was named Adam. I knew this because he used his name in the third person whenever he told a story...

"So I had this boss when I was just starting out. He said, 'Adam ... remember that you must love your product.' You know ... I'll always remember that and I will also remember my mom saying, 'Adam ... be the one they remember.'"

He had lots of recipes as well. His seat mate was close to hanging himself but continued to politely smile, "Escargot? Right? You like escargot? Here's THE recipe for escargot. Put them in a pan filled with red wine ... simmer ... pour out the wine ... put them back in with blue cheese ... back with the wine .... blah blah blah ... spinach bed ... stay back a hundred steps from your guests ... they will bark like dogs, I tell you ... dogs."

The Puerto Rican madwoman went to the bathroom about 12 times throughout the flight and stood over me with her cell phone screaming Spanish obscenities to whoever was on the other end. She was also constantly saying her legs were shivering and she kept asking to be let off the plane while complaining over and over about the unscheduled landing in Baltimore calling it a scandal. A real treat ... that one.

The stoner sat next to Debbie. He kept moaning until we landed in Baltimore. He called some buddy to tell him about where he was ... "Yeah ... that's right bro ... Baltimore .. I'm in Baltimore ... Hell if I know why .... seriously man ... Baltimore? No ... That is NOT in New York, man ... Are you stupid? It's in Pennsylvania."

Stoner might still be on board.

So ... we finally landed and here's the good news:

Debbie's suitcase didn't explode. We didn't have to go to multiple hotels trying to find our reservations. We found a taxi (not a really difficult task in New York) and a driver that knew where the New York Hilton was.

We checked in and went immediately to the VIP Lounge on the 44th Floor where the desk clerk said to go for something to eat. We were famished ... it felt like we hadn't eaten for days.

They were just clearing the food. Sorry ... try the lounge on the first floor. Nope ... try the restaurant. Out of luck, they are just getting ready for dinner service.

Then ... as we were being pin balled back and forth throughout the hotel ... we looked around us and realized the entire hotel was inhabited by teenagers.

They were everywhere ... everywhere but in hotel rooms.

Apparently they can't find food either.


Kathryn W said…
Do you attract these sorts of scenarios? Very funny. I loved the series on the cruise. I haven't been on a big one like the ship you traveled on, but you made it seem like a hilarious adventure!
Joel Momberg said…
@Katherine ... Apparently I have the Chevy Chase Vacation target painted on my back. Thanks for joining my blog!

@Lass... A wee bit more fun and Alot less excitement would be ideal. Should I try South Africa next?
Kathryn W said…
Yeah Joel, do South Africa! The buzillion-hour flight is supposed to be super! I do the 14-plus run from Athens to NYC annually, and I always so look forward, not only to going over, but to the joy of the return flight as well!

Popular posts from this blog

SAMMY: The Novel (An Overview)

I finished writing Sammy:The Novel. 

So ... I called my good buddy and excellent writer, Dave Scheiber, to help me write an overview to pique the interest of publishers. The stuff that Dave wrote made me want to read my own book! We combined our efforts and here's what we came up with:

SAMMY (An Overview)

Sammy Levine, 86-year-old resident of Star of David nursing home, was not happy with his daily existence and dreamed of taking one last trip with his wife Esther (presently residing in an urn on the third shelf in his room). Sammy was careful about not exposing his plan to anyone, especially his son, Barry, who dutifully visited regularly and tried to make sure that he lived out his remaining days comfortably.

Through a carefully choreographed plan, Sammy managed to access personal information on three recently deceased residents from the nursing home’s computers. Then he applied for and obtained three new credit cards. Armed now with available cash and credit, he loaded up Esth…

Close Call

I was just putting the finishing touches on my new novel, Sammy, which will be available to order in November (shameless self promotion!) ... when I started thinking about some of the characters in my past life. One character I've actually written about in the past just popped into my head. It's a repeat story but I hope you enjoy it ... again.

When I was a Freshman at LSU, our dorm was set up like a suite with two adjoining double rooms and a common kitchen and living room. "Suite" really makes it sound much fancier than it was. Actually, living room makes it sound much fancier than it was. The walls were cinder block and the living room was about 100 square feet. I don't think four of us could even stand up in there at one time.

One of the four guys in our suite was the place kicker for the LSU Tigers. His name was Phil and he was from Bogalusa, Louisiana. He had the bed next to mine. Phil was about 6'8" and weighed well over 300 pounds. He was a big …

Princess Grace's Diary

We surprised our little princess, Grace on Friday with a last minute visit to Savannah. She and her BFF Stella had a joint princess birthday party.

It was of course no surprise to Deb and me that the trip had a few surprises for us, too.

It started out with a light show at the airport (we chose to fly rather than drive the 12 hours back and forth for one day). Lightning strikes were coming fast ... so the tarmac was closed until it settled down. We had to get to Atlanta in time to catch what had become the LAST flight of the night to Savannah at 11:20 PM.

We made it ... barely ... and fell asleep at 2 AM.

Up at 8 and out the door via Uber to The Landings (a mere 45 minute drive) and just in time to see this adorable duo.

Big brother Cole was  one of the "hosts".

Pony rides were there for the guests.

Matching Princess cakes (of course).

Lots of fun.

At about 2, Deb and I headed back to the airport with Nikki driving and made it in PLENTY of time to find out that there were n…