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Showing posts from 2019

Colonel Condo

This weekend, we are staying at our sweet little condo in Pass a Grille. Gorgeous day, clear water, not a care in the world ... we start on a walk to the Sea Horse for breakfast when all of a sudden ...

"Hellllooooo ..." The voice that instantly creates a dark cloud cover over the beach. There she was standing there with a baseball cap covering (let's see what color hair is it this week) blonde, I think. Last month was bright red, then black and even blue once.

I wanted to say, "Helloooo NEWMAN." But instead we exchanged pleasantries with Colonel Condo herself. Debbie was much nicer than me (not a big surprise). "Hi (name deleted to protect ... us) I didn't recognize you ... sorry ... your hair color is different."

"Blonde this month. Hahaha keeps my husband interested, you know?"

"Pretty day huh?" Debbie said.

"Oh yes it is." She paused and looked at me. "Glad I ran into you. You know that problem we've had…

That’s What She Said

This past weekend, I made a casual remark to Debbie. I thought it was something like, “Honey, what do you think we should do about breakfast?”(Debbie heard it differently. She thought I said ... “Hey, get me breakfast, woman!”)

So she replied ... “Really? What am I ...  your breakfast bitch?”

“No ... I didn’t mean that you were ... or you had to ...” I stammered stupidly.

“Well if you find a breakfast bitch, send her to me.”

After groveling for a while longer, explaining that I would NEVER say something so callous. I had a great idea for a new business. Uber had created Uber Eats ... they pick up meals at select restaurants.

So ... what about creating Uber Bitch? For men and women.

Just think about it. You’d click on the app and order your Uber Bitch to make breakfast or pick up your dry cleaning or get you a beer or take the kids to soccer practice, or make excuses when you have to cancel appointments.

So I asked Deb. “Hey what do you think about Uber Bitch as a business line?”

She …