Saturday, June 28, 2014

Mall Watchers

Each morning, I now do a few laps around the mall before the stores open with some of my new friends. Most are around 80 but there are some younger.

The stroller moms have an interesting routine. It's kinda like shake (aerobics) rattle (oh ... that's the babies) and of course roll (through the mall).

At University Mall, shoppers wait for the kiosks to open so they can buy priceless jewelry.

These accessories are typically worn with the many clothing choices at stores like the ever popular "Street Threadz"...

... or the neighboring "Soul Train" ...

... or maybe it's my favorite clothing store of all just down the way : "Hos R Us" ...

... And there is "Mr. Man".  Don't you love that name? Since it sits next to the Ho Store, I think it might be for  those guys with the velvet suits and the big hats...

... Of course, you can't have enough big pink, yellow or green shoes with 12 inch heels ...

 ... There's even a hurricane simulator machine. My guess is that it's a place where moms threaten to put their kids if they act up. (After they weigh them down with gold chains).


Saturday, June 21, 2014

It's ALL For You, Honey

Yesterday, when I pulled into the garage, I noticed a cement slab that had been freshly poured.

If I were a suspicious person, I would have been very nervous. Come to think of it ... Debbie's been acting strange ever since she made me rent Silence of the Lambs. She's also asked me a lot of questions about our insurance coverage.

I have to admit that I didn't feel much better when I asked her about it.

"What cement slab?' She asked.

"The one in the garage."

She thought about it. "Where in the garage?"

That Debbie. She's pretty funny. Turns out, the slab is a footer for (what else?) more renovations. This time it was to increase closet space. "Honey, I know that you have no space in your closet, so we are breaking through the wall to the garage and expanding your closet."

I was shocked. "That is so nice of you ..."

"I know." She said. "And after it's finished, we will switch closets and you'll have mine."


"It's still bigger than what you had!"

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

FITBIT for Dummies

Alissa introduced me to a new way for me to realize how out of shape I am ... FITBIT.

It straps on your wrist, has a rectangular insert that blinks as you reach your goal distance (mine is 10,000 steps) and syncs with your iPhone to make you feel extra guilty when you don't reach your goal.

It comes in two sizes: small and large. There is no fat wrist size available so I settled for large.

The first day I wore it, I had more movement when I slept than when I was awake. I reached a whopping 1000 steps ... 10 shy of a caterpillar.

I had some work to do ... so, the next day, off I went to the mall that sits a few blocks south of USF. I got there a few hours before it opened and joined the other mall walkers who looked like they had one more lap in them before they kicked off.

The mall (even when it's opened for business) looks like it's closed. It's a pretty lonely spot. But it was perfect for what I needed: Encouragement. It is filled with people who have me by about 150 pounds ... and those are only the women.

Yesterday I got up to 5000 steps.

I was so excited about my new number! That was until I met the lady (pictured) in the photo booth.

She clocked in a 5038.    

HOME MOVIES ... click here!

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Going Strong

Sammy was upset with me.

Actually, to be more accurate, Sammy was really pissed off at me. I had been traveling and had missed a date that I had promised to play the piano for residents at Menorah Manor. I know, I'm not proud of myself. They even published it in the entertainment guide right under Israeli dances with Dr. Levine and Bingo Madness.

When I visited him last week, he didn't even look at me.

"So where have YOU been?"

"Dad, I'm sorry ..."

"I almost died the other day and you weren't here."

"You mean, during Dr. Levine's Israeli dances?"


"I am so sorry that I missed the piano date ..."

"The what? Oh, I 'm not talking about that. I had a bad stomach ache just last night and you weren't here."

Turns out, Sammy had a bad night but not nearly fatal. He's been juggling "nearly fatal" for the past few years. At 93, only 10% of his heart is working. The nurse practitioner that treats him told me that she brings medical students over to examine him from time to time ... a medical marvel ... the man who feels no pain and worries about a stomach ache instead of worrying about his organs shutting down.

My mom passed away in 2009.  Up until then, Esther and Sam were a couple for more than 60 years. They were hardly the Ozzie and Harriet of New Orleans. More like Ozzy and Sharon Osbourn (Esther was Ozzy).

But that's a story for another day.        

Ballad of the Big Prostate

Here’s a little country tune I wrote just yesterday to commemorate a dark day in my history. I don’t have a tune but realized you can use an...