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Colonel Condo

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That’s What She Said

This past weekend, I made a casual remark to Debbie. I thought it was something like, “Honey, what do you think we should do about breakfast?”(Debbie heard it differently. She thought I said ... “Hey, get me breakfast, woman!”)

So she replied ... “Really? What am I ...  your breakfast bitch?”

“No ... I didn’t mean that you were ... or you had to ...” I stammered stupidly.

“Well if you find a breakfast bitch, send her to me.”

After groveling for a while longer, explaining that I would NEVER say something so callous. I had a great idea for a new business. Uber had created Uber Eats ... they pick up meals at select restaurants.

So ... what about creating Uber Bitch? For men and women.

Just think about it. You’d click on the app and order your Uber Bitch to make breakfast or pick up your dry cleaning or get you a beer or take the kids to soccer practice, or make excuses when you have to cancel appointments.

So I asked Deb. “Hey what do you think about Uber Bitch as a business line?”

She …

Christmas Gift Exchange (theft) With the Gallagher clan

We have a fairly large family. To be more accurate, Debbie has a very large family.

The Momberg clan ... on the other hand ... is shrinking. I am the surviving elder family member, but there's hope! Son Josh and daughters Alissa and Nikki are still keeping our numbers strong with the addition of their spouses Steven, Theresa and Nate and the three grandkids ... soon to be five in just about a month!

Christmas brings us ALL together. The Mombergs on Christmas eve (two thirds of them ... Nik and Steven were in Savannah) and the Gallaghers on Christmas day (All 38 of them!) Lots of drinking, eating, tall tales, inappropriate gifts and good old Christmas cheer. AND a Christmas exchange thing (sometimes called White Elephant/ Secret Santa/ Chinese gift exchange/ Yankee Swap or Christmas Larceny for 6 year olds).


For our party, Keli created the rules and the presents. Needless to say, by the time the rules were read there was a little confusion about ... well everything. There were bag…

Beer Humor

This was sent to me from my brother in law Tom. I just felt I had to share it. I know there might be some who can relate, some who have had this conversation ... and a few men who had similar conversations with their wives and perhaps have not survived to tell the story.

THIS IS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS WIFE.


 PLEASE NOTE THAT SHE ASKS SEVEN
 QUESTIONS, WHICH HE ANSWERS QUITE SIMPLY.
 BUT THEN SHE IS SPEECHLESS AFTER
 ANSWERING ONLY ONE QUESTION FROM HIM


 I BET THIS HAPPENS MORE OFTEN THAN
 NOT TO MOST HUSBANDS OUT THERE:


 WOMAN: DO YOU DRINK BEER?


 MAN: YES


 WOMAN : HOW MANY BEERS A DAY?


 MAN: USUALLY ABOUT THREE


 WOMAN: HOW MUCH DO YOU PAY PER BEER?


 MAN: $5.00 WHICH INCLUDES A TIP
 (THIS IS WHERE IT GETS SCARY!)


 WOMAN: AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU
 BEEN DRINKING?


 MAN: ABOUT 20 YEARS, I SUPPOSE


 WOMAN: SO A BEER COSTS $5 AND
 YOU HAVE THREE BEERS A DAY WHICH
 PUTS YOUR SPENDING EACH MONTH AT $450.
 IN ONE YEAR, IT WOULD BE APPROXIMATELY
 $5400 CORRECT?


 MAN: CORRECT


 WOMAN: IF IN 1 YEAR YOU SPEND $…

The Highs and Lows of SNL (Just my Opinion)

Just watched SNL’s last show of the season that I recorded last night. It was a good one. Some of the sketches reminded me of SNL from the past

The open was a spoof ... “It’s a Wonderful Trump”.  Alec Baldwin, Robert DeNiro, Ben Stiller and Matt Damon all made cameo appearances. Funny stuff ... really. So was most of the show. Matt Damon hosted and was so impressive.

But then Leslie Jones appeared ... late in the show (thankfully). Just my opinion but I think she not only adds nothing, but she detracts from the other players. Is it me or do you think she should have been canned years ago? Everybody else can play multiple characters, do great impressions and are generous in their collaboration.

She’s the one weak spot.

Oh ... Wait ... I forgot Weekend Update. Michael Che has all the personality of  another Michael ... Mike Pence.

Long live Kate, Kenan and Cecily!

Babies Everywhere!

Grandkids everywhere!

Fun day in the park with all the kids and grands as we celebrated the holidays and the upcoming birth of the two baby girls ... one for daughter Alissa and hubby Nate and the other for son Josh and daughter in law Theresa.

Check out the matching bellies!

GIVE SAMMY A HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

There’s still time. Order today and I’ll sign a copy (hey ... my autograph has been valued at $2.34 on the open market).

Sammy is the story of 86 year old Sammy Levine, desperately unhappy with his life at Star of David nursing home who dreams of taking one last road trip with his wife Esther (who presently resides in an urn on his shelf).

Sammy’s odyssey begins and ends in his hometown of New Orleans and includes the bucket list of all bucket lists ... long buried secrets, unfinished business, a cast of feisty characters, laughter, suspense, twists and turns ... a coming of age story that will make you smile!

Order today!