Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from 2018

Christmas Gift Exchange (theft) With the Gallagher clan

We have a fairly large family. To be more accurate, Debbie has a very large family.

The Momberg clan ... on the other hand ... is shrinking. I am the surviving elder family member, but there's hope! Son Josh and daughters Alissa and Nikki are still keeping our numbers strong with the addition of their spouses Steven, Theresa and Nate and the three grandkids ... soon to be five in just about a month!

Christmas brings us ALL together. The Mombergs on Christmas eve (two thirds of them ... Nik and Steven were in Savannah) and the Gallaghers on Christmas day (All 38 of them!) Lots of drinking, eating, tall tales, inappropriate gifts and good old Christmas cheer. AND a Christmas exchange thing (sometimes called White Elephant/ Secret Santa/ Chinese gift exchange/ Yankee Swap or Christmas Larceny for 6 year olds).


For our party, Keli created the rules and the presents. Needless to say, by the time the rules were read there was a little confusion about ... well everything. There were bag…

Beer Humor

This was sent to me from my brother in law Tom. I just felt I had to share it. I know there might be some who can relate, some who have had this conversation ... and a few men who had similar conversations with their wives and perhaps have not survived to tell the story.

THIS IS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS WIFE.


 PLEASE NOTE THAT SHE ASKS SEVEN
 QUESTIONS, WHICH HE ANSWERS QUITE SIMPLY.
 BUT THEN SHE IS SPEECHLESS AFTER
 ANSWERING ONLY ONE QUESTION FROM HIM


 I BET THIS HAPPENS MORE OFTEN THAN
 NOT TO MOST HUSBANDS OUT THERE:


 WOMAN: DO YOU DRINK BEER?


 MAN: YES


 WOMAN : HOW MANY BEERS A DAY?


 MAN: USUALLY ABOUT THREE


 WOMAN: HOW MUCH DO YOU PAY PER BEER?


 MAN: $5.00 WHICH INCLUDES A TIP
 (THIS IS WHERE IT GETS SCARY!)


 WOMAN: AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU
 BEEN DRINKING?


 MAN: ABOUT 20 YEARS, I SUPPOSE


 WOMAN: SO A BEER COSTS $5 AND
 YOU HAVE THREE BEERS A DAY WHICH
 PUTS YOUR SPENDING EACH MONTH AT $450.
 IN ONE YEAR, IT WOULD BE APPROXIMATELY
 $5400 CORRECT?


 MAN: CORRECT


 WOMAN: IF IN 1 YEAR YOU SPEND $…

The Highs and Lows of SNL (Just my Opinion)

Just watched SNL’s last show of the season that I recorded last night. It was a good one. Some of the sketches reminded me of SNL from the past

The open was a spoof ... “It’s a Wonderful Trump”.  Alec Baldwin, Robert DeNiro, Ben Stiller and Matt Damon all made cameo appearances. Funny stuff ... really. So was most of the show. Matt Damon hosted and was so impressive.

But then Leslie Jones appeared ... late in the show (thankfully). Just my opinion but I think she not only adds nothing, but she detracts from the other players. Is it me or do you think she should have been canned years ago? Everybody else can play multiple characters, do great impressions and are generous in their collaboration.

She’s the one weak spot.

Oh ... Wait ... I forgot Weekend Update. Michael Che has all the personality of  another Michael ... Mike Pence.

Long live Kate, Kenan and Cecily!

Babies Everywhere!

Grandkids everywhere!

Fun day in the park with all the kids and grands as we celebrated the holidays and the upcoming birth of the two baby girls ... one for daughter Alissa and hubby Nate and the other for son Josh and daughter in law Theresa.

Check out the matching bellies!

GIVE SAMMY A HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

There’s still time. Order today and I’ll sign a copy (hey ... my autograph has been valued at $2.34 on the open market).

Sammy is the story of 86 year old Sammy Levine, desperately unhappy with his life at Star of David nursing home who dreams of taking one last road trip with his wife Esther (who presently resides in an urn on his shelf).

Sammy’s odyssey begins and ends in his hometown of New Orleans and includes the bucket list of all bucket lists ... long buried secrets, unfinished business, a cast of feisty characters, laughter, suspense, twists and turns ... a coming of age story that will make you smile!

Order today!

ORDER SAMMY HERE!

For those who can’t make the book signings ... all my out of town friends who have been patiently waiting for signed copies ... you can order here!

I will send you a copy today.

Amazon and Barnes and Noble will soon carry it but in the meantime ... ENJOY!

Lettuce Romaine Calm (Revised)

So tonight, Debbie and I were headed out to dinner after debating which of the half dozen or so restaurants we usually visit sounded the most worthy of our presence.

There was something different about Debbie tonight when she slipped into the car. Was it her hair? A new style or color? No. New clothes? Don’t think so. Of course, who am I fooling? I’d never know. Maybe it was the perfume. Naw ... she smelled the same.

Wait a minute.

She was carrying a plastic ziplock bag. That was it. New purse design? Nope there was something green inside ... was it ... “Lettuce? Are you bringing lettuce to the restaurant?” I asked.

“No silly. “

“Not lettuce? ”

“Well yes it is lettuce. Romaine lettuce to be exact. But I’m not bringing it to the restaurant. I thought we’d swing by Publix so I could get a refund.”

“Refund? For romaine?”

“Yes. Ecoli ... you know.”

“Yeah I heard. But why don’t you just throw it away? How much are you gonna get back on that one lettuce leaf?”

“I dunno. Maybe $4-$5.”

“Just…

Close Call

I was just putting the finishing touches on my new novel, Sammy, which will be available to order in November (shameless self promotion!) ... when I started thinking about some of the characters in my past life. One character I've actually written about in the past just popped into my head. It's a repeat story but I hope you enjoy it ... again.

When I was a Freshman at LSU, our dorm was set up like a suite with two adjoining double rooms and a common kitchen and living room. "Suite" really makes it sound much fancier than it was. Actually, living room makes it sound much fancier than it was. The walls were cinder block and the living room was about 100 square feet. I don't think four of us could even stand up in there at one time.

One of the four guys in our suite was the place kicker for the LSU Tigers. His name was Phil and he was from Bogalusa, Louisiana. He had the bed next to mine. Phil was about 6'8" and weighed well over 300 pounds. He was a big …

I Lost It!

That's right ... I lost it. But I found it again. Took me a few weeks and a loss of more hair but it's back.

By the way, I am talking about my website domain.

I've owned this site for almost 20 years. I pay about $10 a year for it. Google controls it and I've never had any concerns from day one.

The world changed  three weeks ago.

That's when I opened up my website to find a message that said "this site is available for sale". REALLY? I was panicked. I looked for a number to call.

There was none.

There were 153 options to contact GSuite (Google) technical help. ALL of them involved manually typing on your computer through your account. MINE WAS CLOSED. So what do you do when you don't have an account anymore because someone made an error with your website? I left messages on line, and like everyone else, waited days until a robot answered me with automatic messages. Finally ... I kid you not ... I was talking on line via text to a tech support person…

Princess Grace's Diary

We surprised our little princess, Grace on Friday with a last minute visit to Savannah. She and her BFF Stella had a joint princess birthday party.

It was of course no surprise to Deb and me that the trip had a few surprises for us, too.

It started out with a light show at the airport (we chose to fly rather than drive the 12 hours back and forth for one day). Lightning strikes were coming fast ... so the tarmac was closed until it settled down. We had to get to Atlanta in time to catch what had become the LAST flight of the night to Savannah at 11:20 PM.

We made it ... barely ... and fell asleep at 2 AM.

Up at 8 and out the door via Uber to The Landings (a mere 45 minute drive) and just in time to see this adorable duo.

Big brother Cole was  one of the "hosts".

Pony rides were there for the guests.

Matching Princess cakes (of course).

Lots of fun.

At about 2, Deb and I headed back to the airport with Nikki driving and made it in PLENTY of time to find out that there were n…

SAMMY: The Novel (An Overview)

I finished writing Sammy:The Novel. 

So ... I called my good buddy and excellent writer, Dave Scheiber, to help me write an overview to pique the interest of publishers. The stuff that Dave wrote made me want to read my own book! We combined our efforts and here's what we came up with:

SAMMY (An Overview)

Sammy Levine, 86-year-old resident of Star of David nursing home, was not happy with his daily existence and dreamed of taking one last trip with his wife Esther (presently residing in an urn on the third shelf in his room). Sammy was careful about not exposing his plan to anyone, especially his son, Barry, who dutifully visited regularly and tried to make sure that he lived out his remaining days comfortably.

Through a carefully choreographed plan, Sammy managed to access personal information on three recently deceased residents from the nursing home’s computers. Then he applied for and obtained three new credit cards. Armed now with available cash and credit, he loaded up Esth…

Sammy's Missing Ball (A Father's Day Memory)

HAPPY FATHER'S DAYHere's a blast from the past in honor of Sammy.  

Sunday, June 15, 2012

Sammy had a major problem today.

"One of my balls is gone." He said as he stepped out of the car and leaned on his walker outside of Bob Evans Restaurant.

"That's a real problem, Dad. Are you in pain?"

"What? No ... I lost my tennis ball. See?"

Sure enough ... Sam was one ball short on his walker which  kinda leaned to the right. But he seemed okay walking with it. Once in a while a spark or two would flash from the back leg on the sidewalk. But other than that ... he managed fine.

We saw a couple that we knew leaving the restaurant as we were putting our name on the list at the hostess station. We made the introductions.

Debbie ...  "Sammy, these are friends of ours, John and Donna ... and this is Sam ... Joel's Dad."

Sam ... "Nice to meet you. This is my son, Joel."

John ... (smiling) "We know Joel."

Sam ... "Yeah? …

Sammy at Harrah's

Another random chapter from "Sammy". Hope you like it:

Chapter Nine

       “Remind me again why we are here?” Audrey held onto Sammy’s arm as they pushed open the large doors that led to Harrah’s Casino and stepped through the velvet ropes at the security desk.

        “This, my dear, is Esther’s favorite place in the world.”

“Esther was a gambler?”

Sammy let out his hoarse shoulder shaking chuckle and said, “Not just ‘a’ gambler, more like ‘a crazy, get your hands off my machine or I’ll break your face’ gambler. She spent hours here. Also spent almost all our money, many times over.”

“I have seen more than a few Esthers here,” said Audrey. “Sounds like you had your hands full.”

Sammy took Esther out of the knapsack as he paused and slowly turned around with her urn tightly at his chest. “Okay, Miss Esther. Where would you like to go first?”

“If she says ‘the bathroom’, I’ll lead the way.” Audrey said as she pointed to the restroom signs. “Gotta pee Sam.”

“Okay. We’re gonna be in …

Sammy's Ballers

So I'm here again at the beach furiously working on my book (up to 40,000 words) and I've taken Sammy on some really cool adventures and some that will surprise you.

Just left Cafe Du Monde and now he's at the bowling alley ... What do you think?


CHAPTER FOUR



        Mid-City Rock’n Bowl came alive with lights and music as soon as 'Sammy's Ballers' checked in at lane ten. The girls were giddy now as they picked out their brightly colored balls, finally settled on which bowling shoes they wanted to wear and  picked their positions to bowl. 
“Sammy. You want to go first?” Sally asked.
“Ladies first. I’ll watch and help any one that needs it.” Truth was, Sammy was feeling a little stiff and had that shooting pain in his shoulder. Better to just sit and wait, he thought.
“I’ll go.” Audrey spoke up and balanced the ball as she stood at the line.
“Hey Audrey,” Sammy yelled. “Stand about three feet back and walk up to the line when you are rolling the ball like this.” He d…

There's a PODCAST Out There For You

Podcasts are a wonderful thing.

My daughter Alissa introduced them to me a couple of years ago and I've been listening faithfully ever since. My commute from St. Pete to North Tampa takes anywhere from 45 minutes to three weeks depending on traffic. So I've definitely got the time to listen. I have discovered some real gems in the podcast universe that you can subscribe to as well. It's all free too!

The first one I was introduced to was a series called "Serial". The focus was on a homicide investigation into the death of an 18 year old girl named Hae Min Lee, who was found in a shallow grave, and the subsequent trial and conviction of her ex boyfriend, Adnan Sued. The interviews were fascinating because they were not edited to fit a 60 Minutes kind of format. They were raw and real. The interviewer was not slick and clever ... she was hesitant and thoughtful and refreshingly genuine. There was a subsequent season about an army deserter that's worth a listen…

Orlando, Back to the Beach and Sammy's First Adventure

We took a break in the middle of the week to head to Orlando to Universal with Dennie and Tom.
Stayed at the Portofino and sailed to the park in the morning. Drank butter beer, saw Blues Brothers, had Margaritas at Jimmy Buffet's, ate at  Emeril's, shot aliens at MIB 

But the most mind bending, complicated, challenges of all came AFTER we left. We stopped at Pinera to eat breakfast and skipped the line to try out the ipad menu. It took four of us about a half hour and we STILL couldn't figure it out. We left and tried three other places until we settled at First Watch.
Look at these people crowding my beach!
Beautiful day and I spent most of it on the porch back at my computer working on the Sammy novel. 
It was so nice to get another week to do this because I'm now at 25,000 words (about halfway done).
By the way thanks for your suggestions on where Sammy could go on his adventure. I'm going to use some of them. 


Here's another chapter (Sammy's first Stop…

I Need Your Help

I've been bad.

I haven't written a blog entry in ages and I want to apologize to my fan. (No that's not a typo. I'm probably down to one "fan") So here's an update ... I have been spending any free time I can get at our beach condo writing my Sammy novel. 

Getting pretty far into it.

I sent my first 50 pages to my buddy Dave Scheiber who is the best writer I know and who I hope to be when I grow up (which as you all know will never happen ... the writing part and the growing up). Dave's gonna give me some notes and I know him well enough that he will certainly tell me the truth ... that it is brilliant.

But until then I'm pushing ahead.

So ... the novel plot centers around Sammy (who is based on my dad) who lives in a nursing home, is depressed and plans an escape. He takes with him two urns ... one with Esther's remains (based on my mom) and one empty for his own. His plan ... go back to his hometown and visit his favorite places that Esthe…

Birthday weekend for Papa

Birthday weekend at Universal with the kids!
Unfortunately they advertised it in 11 different sizes. Even little Wyatt wore Happy Birthday Old Man.
Nikki and Steven and Cole and Grace came in a day early so we spent the day with them at Animal Kingdom on Friday. The place is very cool. One note of interest: Dede took Grace to see the hippo asleep on the bottom of the big tank, Every so often he would raise his head above the water and then sink back down.
Dede felt certain that the hippo was one of those robotic creatures Disney uses in their parks. She insisted the hippo was fake even though we all told her that this was REAL animal kingdom ... not FAKE animal kingdom. 
She finally approached one of the staff in the gorilla exhibit and asked the question. "Is the hippo in the tank real?" "Interesting question. Although some of the creatures are not real in Disney parks, the hippo is real." "OH ..." "But I have a question for you. Do you know what k…

"Hey!"

Went to Italia Mia the other night.

Tony, the owner was holding  court in the kitchen. He was talking to one of the customers who stood on the other side of the counter.

We were in a booth on the other side of the restaurant but could CLEARLY hear every word. Just a guess but I think they were both talking about the old days ... in Jersey. Reminded me of the old Abbott and Costello routine, "Who's On First?" except that they never got off first base.

" Hey Tony ... remember Aldo?"
" Yeah."
" Yeah. Aldo  ... remember?"
" Yeah I know Aldo."
" He worked in the restaurant right?"
" Who?"
" Aldo."
" Oh yeah. Aldo."
" At the pizza place right?"
" Aldo?"
" Yeah."
" Yeah at the pizza place."
" Hey ... did you know Gianni?"
" Yeah. I know Gianni."
" I thought you might know Gianni."
" Gianni."
" He had a brother righ…