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Showing posts from February, 2012

Yesterday I was 30 ... Really!

My birthday is Thursday.

I'm not telling you this so you'll run out and buy me a gift. It's just a simple statement of fact. On March 1st ... I'll be older (whoopee).

Of course ... if you insist on buying me something ... I've made it easy.

I registered at SunTrust Bank. It's convenient (I'm sure there is one close to you), simple (they printed special deposit slips with my name on it), and ... they include shipping and handling.

But don't feel any pressure to help me celebrate. I plan to try to forget Thursday.

Debbie tried to cheer me up because she still loves birthdays ... "So ... Joel ... what do you want to do for your birthday?"


"No ... really."


"Come on ... let's celebrate."

"I'd rather not."

"Just think about all the wonderful things about life and all the wonderful things that God has given us and all the wonderful reasons to be happy and all the wonde…

And the Winner Is ... WHO?

I'm back!

I know what you're saying ... "I didn't even know you were gone." Well ... I was. But I decided to write my novel and be a part time blogger as well.

Those of you that missed me ... for a whole week ... I missed you too. Those that didn't ... have excellent taste.


Just like millions of others ... I watched the Academy Awards Show last night with Billy Crystal and a cast of thousands.

Here are some random thoughts:

1. What the hell is The Artist?

From what I saw, it was a bunch of French people looking pretty smug in a black and white movie with no sound and no plot.

He won best actor and screamed something in French as he left the stage. I think the translation was "Stupid Americans! This movie cost 300 euros and had no script. I hope all of you visit Paris so we can continue to ignore you!"

2. When is Angelina going to eat a full meal?

Looking like a concentration camp resident, Angelina sedu…

Buddy and Max

Well ... I reached a writer's block already (it's been at least 15 minutes of trying to write the next great novel). Part of this has been sitting in my computer for years ... tell me what you think. 
Buddy Rosen and Max Campbell loved to race down the beach on their bikes ... baseball cards clipped to the spokes, ball caps backward on their flattops, bats slung on the side with saddlebags. They were the coolest bikers on earth.

They had check points. The Esso Station stop was first. Two root beers and two bags of sweet tarts would hold them over for a half hour until they reached the A & P. There they met Petey Mc Cabe, part‑time bag boy and full time pal, in the parking lot for a cigarette. Petey seemed to always have access to single cigs. Sometimes Buddy stole a couple from his dad, Abe, when he got too drunk to tell, but he was always afraid he'd get caught. Abe could get pretty nasty.

Saturdays were usually pick‑up game days. And when they didn't have enough p…

So Long ... Good Friends

To my loyal readers ...

I have decided to take a break from I Was Born Very Young. Over the next few months I will  concentrate on finishing at least one version of my 15 unfinished novels. This has always been a goal that eluded me over the years.

I may do an update from time to time ... just to let you know I'm still kicking. Or ... I'll get really bored with the novel and be right back within 24 hours.

Thanks for your loyalty,


Want a (face) Lift?

If you want to start the day with uplifting stories of "health and harmony and beauty" ... open the Tampa Bay Times today and read the Personal Best section.

Actually, the stories are okay ... but the ads are really worth a read. After reading the ads ... you might never get out of bed.
Here are just a few ... and I took out the run of the mill Vein repairs, face lifts, skin peels and ultrasound pictures:

NARCOLEPSYIf you have narcolepsy with or without cataplexy (what the hell is that?) you may be eligible for a clinical study.

Dry Mouth? Get oral rinses. (Really???)

Erectile dysfunction ... premature ejaculation .... surprise her for Valentine's Day (She's not surprised already?).

TOENAIL FUNGUS? Just walk in and walk out.
(This was my favorite ... and it came with this very picture in the ad!)

NOW he hears

Deb looked at me and just shook her head. "Okay. Listen to this message that your dad left."

"Hello .... hello ... this is Joel's dad.  Is he home? I would very much like to speak with him. Thank you."

Joel's dad ??? I better tell him that we had to let the butler go ... I guess you could chalk this up to the after-effects of the anesthesia ... but that might be giving the sedative too much credit. Sammy is pretty lucid now (for Sammy).

He's back in Menorah Manor now ... by the way ... and happy as a clam in his chair with the big headphones. Everyone is spoiling him rotten and he has his usual string of terrible jokes for everyone who listens.

One of his "girl" friends told us the other day, "We love Sam. You know .... he's the only one who actually still speaks when we have dinner. The other men just sit there." NOW I understand.

Today, he had an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon who did the hip surgery. I met him in the …

He's Better ... or Worse

"They won't even give me some damn water."

Sammy was not happy with the nurses last night. He calls them 'the help'. As in ... "the help at Menorah Manor is much better than these people." He grumbled about his water for an hour. Finally, when the nurse came in, she said he can't drink water. Believe it or not ... the consistency of water chokes him.

He argued with her until she gave him a little sip from a Styrofoam cup. He started violently choking. She put his cup down as he coughed up something that was indescribable into a towel.

"You see," he said, "I told you I could drink it!"

Today, they transferred him to a regular patient room and out of ICU. I'm not sure if it was for the fact that he was stronger or that the nurses couldn't take it any more. He stood up and walked on his new hip for a few minutes and sat in a chair. He told me how incredible he was (not felt ... was).

We also had our weekly discussion about m…

Squirrel Talk

Sammy is out of surgery ... passed with flying colors according to the surgeon. He had a partial hip replacement and should be on his feet tomorrow. Yes ... at 90 he is still (literally) kicking. The next few moths will be critical to total recovery. 
Earlier today, he was more disjointed than usual. Talking incessantly, he almost drove me and everyone else on the patient floor insane.
Here are a few gems:
"Joel ... Do you know what the colors of the day are for automobiles? I like grey. Grey cars are my favorite. You don't know? Why not?"
"Does Debbie wear black? It's my favorite color."
"Nobody tells me what's happening (this was after 36 hours of nurses, techs, doctors telling him lots of information). "
 "Do you ever try to figure out why people take different names? ( I suppose he wondered why people don't share the same name)."
"Squirrels talk. They do ... Joel (I think he noticed my look of disbelief). One day I was sitting …