And the Winner Is ... WHO?

I'm back!

I know what you're saying ... "I didn't even know you were gone." Well ... I was. But I decided to write my novel and be a part time blogger as well.

Those of you that missed me ... for a whole week ... I missed you too. Those that didn't ... have excellent taste.

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Just like millions of others ... I watched the Academy Awards Show last night with Billy Crystal and a cast of thousands.

Here are some random thoughts:

1. What the hell is The Artist?

From what I saw, it was a bunch of French people looking pretty smug in a black and white movie with no sound and no plot.

He won best actor and screamed something in French as he left the stage. I think the translation was "Stupid Americans! This movie cost 300 euros and had no script. I hope all of you visit Paris so we can continue to ignore you!"

2. When is Angelina going to eat a full meal?

Looking like a concentration camp resident, Angelina seductively showed a white leg bone to the crowd of admirers last night. The tattoo on her left arm belonged on the scanner at Publix.

Brad ... what's the deal?

3. Where's the bisquick when you need it?

Sacha Baron Cohen as "The Dictator" spilled ashes of recently departed North Korean dictator Lim Jong-il all over Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet.


Okay ... so it was really bisquick. And Cohen is just a poor misunderstood Jewish boy ... and ... well let's go back to the bisquick.

4. Did you see what I saw?


Enough said! 

5. Was there a movie of the year?


Yes. And it didn't win.