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Showing posts from September, 2012

Repent All Ye Sinners

Good Yontif!
For the non-Jews reading this blog that's Yiddish for Happy Holidays (and for my shiksah sister in law Keli ... that is Yittan for "nice shoes" ... don't ask!) This past Wednesday was the second half of the Jewish High Holidays ... Yom Kippur. It's the day that Jews get together as a group and ask for forgiveness for all the sins from the past year. The non-Jewish alternative, of course, is to go every Sunday (like my wife)  or whenever you want to go to talk about how badly you screwed up and ask for forgiveness. I understand that works just as well.

I celebrated my sins with Sammy at Menorah Manor.

There was a slight change in schedule when I arrived. Sam was still in bed.

"Dad are you going to services today?"

"What?"

"I said are you going to services today?"

"What time is it?"

"It's 10:00."

"What? It's too early."

"Dad, services are at 10 o'clock."

"I know.&qu…

Home Movies: Found

More from my novel, Home Movies:


Buddy couldn't wait to open his new-found treasure.

He tried to act interested in Andi’s conversation at dinner, but all he could think about was whipping out the projector and putting the films on. She was telling him about a girlfriend who just got dumped by her boyfriend, or maybe her girlfriend, Buddy couldn't remember.

He helped clear the table as Andi washed the dishes.

“You haven’t listened to one word I’ve said, have you?” Andi put down a dish and looked in his direction.

“Sure, I did. Let’s see ... You just said that Karen was in such distress over Frank’s moodiness that she was considering a divorce but instead opted for a temporary separation followed by years of counseling leading to certain reconciliation and no doubt continued verbal abuse.”  Buddy took a deep breath.

“Yeah. I should give you some verbal abuse.”

“I love it when you talk dirty.” Buddy pulled her to him and planted a big kiss on her lips.

She smiled at him and patted…

Boys' Trip

This weekend was our  Boys' Trip to North Carolina ... Tom, Ray, Dewey, Big Al, Kenny, Mark and Doug.

Tom and Dewey share an incredible cabin high in the mountains on Lake Glenville outside of Cashiers and have another with Doug a few miles away. So they BRAVELY put together a weekend for our "brat pack".

Allegiant has a direct flight into Greenville.

We picked up two cars in Greenville to make the hour plus drive to Glenville. Tom drove one car and Doug drove the other (We drove with him ... big mistake).

We packed up the car, programmed the GPS and tried to get out of the parking lot. A woman stood in front of our car wagging her finger.

"What's that about?" I asked.
"I think we are in the wrong car," Ray said.

We were.

I wondered why Doug was having such a hard time getting the car started. So ... we unpacked the car ... found the correct one ... and headed out. I had to remind Doug that he was not competing for the pole position in Daytona. S…

BULLDOZED

We traveled to Reno this weekend to see the USF Bulls take on the Nevada Wolf Pack. The point spread was one point. For those unfamiliar with Las Vegas oddsmakers ... That means they were "banking" on a missed extra point.
Hah ... What do they know? (We thought)
Well ... we missed the extra point on our first scoring opportunity. We also missed just about every tackle in the first 15 minutes. The score was 21 - 6 before I had my first beer (and the five that followed).
Even more annoying was the announcer screaming: "That's anotherrrrrr firrrrrrstttt dowwwn for the Wolfpack .... (followed by a pre recorded wolf howl)". Worse still was the announcement that preceded our one score "Wolfpack has 21...USF has NOTHING."
Second quarter was better for us. Our guys had mounted a nice attack that garnered a few first downs and a score which prompted our small group of fans to create our own announcement: "That's anotherrrrrrr firrrrssstt dowwwwwnnn for …

The School Cafeteria

Another excerpt from my book, HOME MOVIES:



“You gonna eat that, Mr. Rosen ?” Thomas Foley asked as he stuck his finger in Buddy's fat peanut butter and jelly sandwich he fixed that morning.

Buddy looked at Thomas and pushed the sandwich with the hole in the middle over to him. “I'm not too hungry. Here, you eat it."

“Thanks."

From behind a familiar voice whispered, “Hey big boy, you wanna trade your banana for my pudding."

He looked up at Andi and said, “Nobody messes with my banana, sister. But I will  make a deal with you for my Milk Duds."

“No thanks.” Andi put her lunch down beside his and slipped next to him on the bench. “It's your banana or nothing. "

“You know how guys feel about their bananas."

“Some day I'll tell you how girls feel about boys' bananas.” Andi opened her lunch and took out her sandwich. She leaned over to look at Buddy's bag. “What else you got ?"

“Let's see." Buddy opened his bag and pulled o…

RNC We Will Miss You

In case you have been in a coma the last few weeks ... you might not have heard that Tampa hosted the Republican National Convention. As you may or may not know, this blog is not political. I really try to steer clear of partisan, non- partisan, bi-partisan, multi-partisan, three way, trans- partisan ... oh heck ... any partisan.

But I couldn't pass up some of the sights around Tampa during the Convention ... some you may have seen or heard about and some maybe not.

Everyone saw and heard Clint talk to the chair.

I thought he did a great job of winning that debate. His opponent had very little to say.

Celebrities love to copy each other.

Chris Matthews copied Clint.

Apparently, some of the diners at a local restaurant in Tampa didn't like him or his hair ... so Chris called them all "douche bags"(true story).

A fan favorite was the group of women who protested women's rights wearing "lady parts" as an unnamed source in my office called them.

This same …