Thursday, December 27, 2018

Christmas Gift Exchange (theft) With the Gallagher clan

We have a fairly large family. To be more accurate, Debbie has a very large family.

The Momberg clan ... on the other hand ... is shrinking. I am the surviving elder family member, but there's hope! Son Josh and daughters Alissa and Nikki are still keeping our numbers strong with the addition of their spouses Steven, Theresa and Nate and the three grandkids ... soon to be five in just about a month!

Christmas brings us ALL together. The Mombergs on Christmas eve (two thirds of them ... Nik and Steven were in Savannah) and the Gallaghers on Christmas day (All 38 of them!) Lots of drinking, eating, tall tales, inappropriate gifts and good old Christmas cheer. AND a Christmas exchange thing (sometimes called White Elephant/ Secret Santa/ Chinese gift exchange/ Yankee Swap or Christmas Larceny for 6 year olds).


For our party, Keli created the rules and the presents. Needless to say, by the time the rules were read there was a little confusion about ... well everything. There were bags and there were envelopes and there were candy canes and there was money and there was toilet paper (which was only a ploy that Keli created to  ... well I'm not sure why she created it).  But the way it was supposed to work was that all the kids ran around the house, injuring others and destroying the furniture to collect hidden candy canes. The one with the most got to pick the first bag/envelope ... second most went second and so forth. Now apparently it didn't  really matter who went first or second or anything because you can steal the gift you want from another kid after they chose. I think you could do that three or four times then it's officially dead. Then you can kill the person who has it ... if you are the last one to pick.

Anyway, Wes wound up with a giant sized poop emoji and $20.


Maybe that was the adult version that we played with the guys and the gals. I just remembered that we got movie tickets and Deb was upset she didn't get to steal the gift she brought.

Go and figure that one out.

It was a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!



Tuesday, December 18, 2018

Beer Humor

This was sent to me from my brother in law Tom. I just felt I had to share it. I know there might be some who can relate, some who have had this conversation ... and a few men who had similar conversations with their wives and perhaps have not survived to tell the story.

THIS IS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS WIFE.
 
 
 PLEASE NOTE THAT SHE ASKS SEVEN
 QUESTIONS, WHICH HE ANSWERS QUITE SIMPLY.
 BUT THEN SHE IS SPEECHLESS AFTER
 ANSWERING ONLY ONE QUESTION FROM HIM
 

 
 I BET THIS HAPPENS MORE OFTEN THAN
 NOT TO MOST HUSBANDS OUT THERE:
 
 
 WOMAN: DO YOU DRINK BEER?
 
 
 MAN: YES
 
 
 WOMAN : HOW MANY BEERS A DAY?
 
 
 MAN: USUALLY ABOUT THREE
 
 
 WOMAN: HOW MUCH DO YOU PAY PER BEER?
 
 
 MAN: $5.00 WHICH INCLUDES A TIP
 (THIS IS WHERE IT GETS SCARY!)
 
 
 WOMAN: AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU
 BEEN DRINKING?
 
 
 MAN: ABOUT 20 YEARS, I SUPPOSE
 
 
 WOMAN: SO A BEER COSTS $5 AND
 YOU HAVE THREE BEERS A DAY WHICH
 PUTS YOUR SPENDING EACH MONTH AT $450.
 IN ONE YEAR, IT WOULD BE APPROXIMATELY
 $5400 CORRECT?
 
 
 MAN: CORRECT
 
 
 WOMAN: IF IN 1 YEAR YOU SPEND $5400,
 NOT ACCOUNTING FOR INFLATION,
 THE PAST 20 YEARS PUTS YOUR SPENDING
 AT $108,000 CORRECT?
 
 
 MAN: CORRECT
 
 
 WOMAN: DO YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU
 DIDN’T DRINK SO MUCH BEER, THAT
 MONEY COULD HAVE BEEN PUT IN A
 STEP-UP INTEREST SAVINGS ACCOUNT
 AND AFTER ACCOUNTING FOR COMPOUND
 INTEREST FOR THE PAST 20 YEARS,
 YOU COULD HAVE NOW
 BOUGHT AN AIRPLANE?
 
 
 MAN: DO YOU DRINK BEER?
 
 
 WOMAN: NO.
 
 
 MAN: WHERE IS YOUR AIRPLANE?



Sunday, December 16, 2018

The Highs and Lows of SNL (Just my Opinion)

Just watched SNL’s last show of the season that I recorded last night. It was a good one. Some of the sketches reminded me of SNL from the past

The open was a spoof ... “It’s a Wonderful Trump”.  Alec Baldwin, Robert DeNiro, Ben Stiller and Matt Damon all made cameo appearances. Funny stuff ... really. So was most of the show. Matt Damon hosted and was so impressive.

But then Leslie Jones appeared ... late in the show (thankfully). Just my opinion but I think she not only adds nothing, but she detracts from the other players. Is it me or do you think she should have been canned years ago? Everybody else can play multiple characters, do great impressions and are generous in their collaboration.

She’s the one weak spot.

Oh ... Wait ... I forgot Weekend Update. Michael Che has all the personality of  another Michael ... Mike Pence.

Long live Kate, Kenan and Cecily!

Sunday, December 9, 2018

Babies Everywhere!

Grandkids everywhere!

Fun day in the park with all the kids and grands as we celebrated the holidays and the upcoming birth of the two baby girls ... one for daughter Alissa and hubby Nate and the other for son Josh and daughter in law Theresa.

Check out the matching bellies!

Friday, December 7, 2018

GIVE SAMMY A HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS

There’s still time. Order today and I’ll sign a copy (hey ... my autograph has been valued at $2.34 on the open market).

Sammy is the story of 86 year old Sammy Levine, desperately unhappy with his life at Star of David nursing home who dreams of taking one last road trip with his wife Esther (who presently resides in an urn on his shelf).

Sammy’s odyssey begins and ends in his hometown of New Orleans and includes the bucket list of all bucket lists ... long buried secrets, unfinished business, a cast of feisty characters, laughter, suspense, twists and turns ... a coming of age story that will make you smile!

Order today!

Monday, December 3, 2018

ORDER SAMMY HERE!


For those who can’t make the book signings ... all my out of town friends who have been patiently waiting for signed copies ... you can order here!

I will send you a copy today.

Amazon and Barnes and Noble will soon carry it but in the meantime ... ENJOY! 

Try Schitt's Creek ... My New FAVORITE Series

Oh yeah. As if the title isn't funny enough ... the plotline, the characters and the writing will keep you in stitches. Many thanks...