Monday, July 1, 2019

Cocktail Napkins are Just Plain Useless

Cocktail napkins are truly one of the most useless creations of out time.

I held one the other day and wondered who ever thought that this was a good idea? I guess napkin manufacturers saw a market for them or at least a pretty good profit margin.  They cost almost as much as full sized napkins and are less than half the size.

So here’s what they are used for.

1. Protecting the bar top from your cocktail glass dreaded rings.

Let’s look at that for a second. Have you ever put your drink on a cocktail napkin for more than a minute? What happens? It falls apart, shreds, and creates more liquid on the bar than your original glass. What’s wrong with coasters? And have you checked out bar tops lately? They really need protection?

2. To hold at a cocktail party when apps are passed around.

How does that work for you? It is the companion to a small paper plate that holds one egg roll which you eat in one bite and search for somewhere to throw your cocktail napkin away.

3. If you feel a sneeze coming on it might be a handy thing to keep in your pocket.

Oh yeah. That works well. One of my sneezes is enough to create a mud slide. Obviously the cocktail napkin wouldn’t come close to containing my sneezes. It doesn’t even contain my nose.

Who would sit around and worry about these kind of things? Me. I’ll put it aside for now. There are more important things to worry about. Like ... what do you do with the toothpick that was in the watermelon squares. 

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