BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
BUREAUCRACY -- UNITED STATES: You have two cows. The government takes both, loses one while moving it to a farm in Puerto Rico and forgets to milk the other.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
COMMUNISM -- CHINESE: You don't have any cows. The government sets up a joint venture with McDonald's.
COMMUNISM -- SOVIET: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. Then the government sends you to prison.
DARWINISM: You have two cows. They develop opposable thumbs and milk you.
DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. A vote is held, and the cows win.
IDEALISM: You have two cows. You get married and your partner milks them.
LIBERALISM: You have two cows. You give away one cow and get the government to give you a new cow. Then you give them both away.
NAZISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and then shoots you.
PLATONISM: You have a reflection of two perfect cows. Their milk tastes like water. You look for two real cows to milk.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESSISM: You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of nonspecified gender.
SIMPSONISM: Don't have a cow man!
SOCRATIC METHODISM: How many cows do I have? Why?
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.