Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Did I tell You?

"Well, I just said to Kathy that I'd think about it. After all, why would we make plans that we might have to break if we don't know what we have and we haven't committed to do what we were going to do. Don't you agree?"

Do you know what this sentence fragment means? Are you curious .... even after re-reading this ... what the author's message is? Maybe you're asking yourself ....
1. Who is Kathy?
2. What are the plans?
3. What did the entire second sentence mean?
4. And .... what exactly am I agreeing to?

I ask those questions ... every day.

This is an example of a typical introductory paragraph to a conversation that is initiated by my wife, Debbie. She apparently thinks that she has prepared me with background information to help me give her an intelligent answer ... but nine times out of ten, her stories start and stop in the middle. I'm sure in her mind she has worked out the first part and the last part.

Every husband in America (and beyond) knows what comes next:

"Um ... Honey ... Can you say that again?"
And she replies: "See? You never listen."

Now ... if I was a smarter man (which I will admit is a REAL shortcoming) ... I would counter with ...  "Sorry, dear. I'll try harder. Would you repeat the question?"
Unfortunately I usually ask the four questions above and get the expanded response ... "YOU NEVER LISTEN ... THAT'S OUR PROBLEM ... EVERY BODY ELSE UNDERSTANDS WHAT I SAY ....  WHY IS IT THAT YOU NEVER DO?"

To complicate matters, Debbie has multiple friends with the same names ... like 3 Denises and 5 Kathys ... and she also has multiple siblings who begat multiple sons and daughters who begat multiple grandchildren (The last one was named Brenna ... I could never remember her name at all so I just call her "Blanket").

It's a cast of thousands. ALL of them have stories and I have no idea which family member's story I'm listening to.

For example ... I was sure "she" had prostate problems and "he" had hot flashes after I heard ...
"She went to the doctor about the prostate." Translation: "She" talked to the doctor about "his" prostate problem.
"He suffers from the hot flashes too." Translation: "He" feels the heat in bed when "she" has hot flashes. 



By the way ... I removed the names to protect the ... hell ... I admit ... I don't even remember those names. Okay ... I DIDN'T LISTEN!



1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Does Debbie read your blog? If so, you might as well put away any "get lucky" pills you may have for at least the next couple of weeks!