Saturday, February 20, 2016

Yogi Has Nothin On Sammy

As you may know, I am writing a book about Sammy. I came across one that I wrote in July of 2008. Thought I'd reprint it:

BIRTHDAY IN BED

Today, Debbie and I went to Menorah Manor for his birthday celebration. When we arrived ... all the birthday celebrants were gathered around the decorated tables ready to sing happy birthday and partake of the huge birthday cake centerpiece.

All were there ... except for Sam.

We went upstairs to his room and found him asleep wearing one shirt backward over his other shirt ... snoring happily.

"Hey Dad ..."

"Huh?" He looks at us for a minute.  "Oh ... what are you doing here?"

"We came to celebrate your birthday. Why aren't you downstairs?"

"Huh?"

Louder ... "WHY AREN'T YOU DOWNSTAIRS?"

"Aww ... I don't like hanging around all those old people."

"They have cake and ice cream."

"What did you say?"

"WHY WON'T YOU GET A HEARING AID??"

"I don't need one ... I hear fine ... besides, they just cleaned out all the wax in my ears and gave me drops yesterday."

Debbie almost passed out.

"Joel ... Listen ..." Sam always starts thoughts this way. "Do you have Nikki's phone number?"

Debbie (getting a little color back in her face). "Sam ... she has the same number that she had when she was here."

"Oh ... do you have it?"

I said ... stupidly, "It's in your phone ... I put it in there last year."

"Oh ... can you give it to me, then?"

"Sure."

"I wanted to thank her for sending me the pictures. I show them to everybody. You know I can't believe it ... I'm the only grandfather who has a grandchild who's a doctor ... I am so proud ....

Debbie and I smilled. "That's very nice..."

"I am so proud ... of me."

"Of you?"

"Yes ... of me. She's my granddaughter and she's a doctor."

We both stifle the laughter to the point of choking.

Sam rubs his forehead. "Joel ... listen ... you know that gal who's up for the Judge position?"

"You mean Kagan, the Supreme Court nominee?" How I knew what he meant was frightening to me.

"Yeah."

I suspected he heard her remarks about the Jewish religion so I asked .. "You heard her comment about being in a Chinese Restaurant for Christmas like the rest of the Jews?"

"No ... she said that?"

"Yeah. Pretty funny huh?"

" ... hey ... listen ... you think she's a lesbian?"

I didn't see that one coming. "I really haven't thought about it."

Debbie changed the subject. "So Sam ... what have you been doing lately?"

"Nothin' ... we went to Olive Garden ... that was nice. They just took the people who walk ... no wheelchairs ... "

Silence.

Sam continued. "Oh ... we had a belly dancer too."

"At Olive Garden?"

"No downstairs ... she was some hot broad ... "

We both nodded.

"Joel ... listen ... you remember Chris Owens?"

"The stripper in New Orleans?"

"She is not a STRIPPER. She is an exotic dancer."

"Oh ... excuse me ... the exotic stripper?"

"Joel ... she is NOT a stripper."

"Well ... she's about 90 years old and still on Bourbon Street ... I HOPE she's not a stripper now."

"She's a fine woman. I know her and I know her husband ... he was a cheerleader at Warren Easton with me."

I am not making this up, folks ... he really said it. I had no reply for this one either.

"Well ... Dad ... we really gotta get back to work ..."

"Oh ... well thanks for coming ... good to see you guys."

We exchanged good byes and headed out the door ... behind me I heard ...

"Oh ... Joel .... LISTEN ...."

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