Skip to main content

Try this on for size

Went shopping today for a suit.

Debbie went with me. She doesn't trust me to shop by myself because :

1. I hate to shop.

2. I hate salespeople who hover so I tell them to go away and wind up not finding anything myself.

3. She wants to see it first because she says I have no taste.

I'm a terrible shopper. Plus ...I've put on weight. And I refuse to think that I wear anything larger than 32 slim. (last time I was 32 slim, was after Kennedy got shot). But ... I knew it was time. Debbie comments every day about the holes in my pants and my shoes. I think it makes her angrier that I wear them until the holes are large enough that you can just about see my butt. Staples and clips will only do so much.

So off we go to Jos. Banks.

Our shopping trip started off on the wrong foot when ... as I put a hand on a suit ... the salesman swooped in and said, "Need help finding a size?"

"No thanks this is what I wanted ..."

"Let me help you." He grabbed it out of my hand and started to put it on me.

"I can do it myself ..."

He put it on me anyway and said, "Nope ... this won't do ... too tight around the middle."

"I kinda liked the fit ..."

"Here..." he said without missing a beat. he put on a coat that looked like I needed another person with me to fill it out.

"This is huge," I said.

"Yes .... but not in the stomach". He directed me over to another rack where he pulled out a coat that was the size of the first one I tried on. "These are more for someone like you. They are called our PORTLY coats."

PORTLY COATS? Did you know there were coats for men that were portly? Reminded of my brother wearing HUSKIES ... remember them? I used to laugh at him. Paybacks are hell.

"No thanks." I said to the salesman. "I'll just buy a glue gun and keep my old stuff."



Debbie just rolled her eyes and sighed. 

Comments

Anonymous said…
Just to let you know, I do read this and think of you often, even though you won't have dinner with me and my wife.
Joel Momberg said…
Rodney ... Love ya man and Kathy too!

Popular posts from this blog

SAMMY: The Novel (An Overview)

I finished writing Sammy:The Novel. 

So ... I called my good buddy and excellent writer, Dave Scheiber, to help me write an overview to pique the interest of publishers. The stuff that Dave wrote made me want to read my own book! We combined our efforts and here's what we came up with:

SAMMY (An Overview)

Sammy Levine, 86-year-old resident of Star of David nursing home, was not happy with his daily existence and dreamed of taking one last trip with his wife Esther (presently residing in an urn on the third shelf in his room). Sammy was careful about not exposing his plan to anyone, especially his son, Barry, who dutifully visited regularly and tried to make sure that he lived out his remaining days comfortably.

Through a carefully choreographed plan, Sammy managed to access personal information on three recently deceased residents from the nursing home’s computers. Then he applied for and obtained three new credit cards. Armed now with available cash and credit, he loaded up Esth…

Close Call

I was just putting the finishing touches on my new novel, Sammy, which will be available to order in November (shameless self promotion!) ... when I started thinking about some of the characters in my past life. One character I've actually written about in the past just popped into my head. It's a repeat story but I hope you enjoy it ... again.

When I was a Freshman at LSU, our dorm was set up like a suite with two adjoining double rooms and a common kitchen and living room. "Suite" really makes it sound much fancier than it was. Actually, living room makes it sound much fancier than it was. The walls were cinder block and the living room was about 100 square feet. I don't think four of us could even stand up in there at one time.

One of the four guys in our suite was the place kicker for the LSU Tigers. His name was Phil and he was from Bogalusa, Louisiana. He had the bed next to mine. Phil was about 6'8" and weighed well over 300 pounds. He was a big …

Princess Grace's Diary

We surprised our little princess, Grace on Friday with a last minute visit to Savannah. She and her BFF Stella had a joint princess birthday party.

It was of course no surprise to Deb and me that the trip had a few surprises for us, too.

It started out with a light show at the airport (we chose to fly rather than drive the 12 hours back and forth for one day). Lightning strikes were coming fast ... so the tarmac was closed until it settled down. We had to get to Atlanta in time to catch what had become the LAST flight of the night to Savannah at 11:20 PM.

We made it ... barely ... and fell asleep at 2 AM.

Up at 8 and out the door via Uber to The Landings (a mere 45 minute drive) and just in time to see this adorable duo.

Big brother Cole was  one of the "hosts".

Pony rides were there for the guests.

Matching Princess cakes (of course).

Lots of fun.

At about 2, Deb and I headed back to the airport with Nikki driving and made it in PLENTY of time to find out that there were n…