Sunday, January 2, 2011

Jewels from Joanne

Joanne is my mother in law.

She has a very strong faith and has great courage in the face of adversity. She also has given birth to seven children that she knows of ... including the twins, Debbie and Dennie. Immaculate conception aside ... Joanne apparently knew more about sex than her children give her credit for ... or not. Certainly, married to Larry, she needed a manual to understand the mechanics (I think even she probably admits that she should have taken a test drive first).

Joanne also has an interesting vocabulary all her own. While she has been in the hospital, she has shared some of her "Jewels" :

1. Cuomo....  No this is not the former mayor of New York. Mario was certainly not in her thoughts when Joanne asked "When do I start the Cuomo treatments?"

2. High Wig ... This is an interesting term that is probably a cross between a highbrow and a bigwig. Joanne was referring to some of the influence she felt that my brother in law Mark and I had in the medical community when we set her up with some of the specialists that are now treating her. She told daughter Keli that " Joel and Mark are certainly High Wigs in the community!"

3. Ice Packages ... A reference to frozen plasma. As Joanne said to the nurse, "Are you giving me more ice packages this morning?"

4. Passing Gas ... Actually, Joanne got this one right. One afternoon, she was taking a breathing treatment as the sisters were relating embarrassing stories. The subject of gas passing came up (as it always does when embarrassing stories are told). All of a sudden Joanne interrupted us with a story of her own.


"You know," she said without turning her head from the breathing tube. "I once passed gas when I was taking communion."

There was dead silence. None of us could believe what she just said.

"So ... Joanne," I finally had to speak up. "What did you do?"

"Well, I looked at Larry and I said .... 'Was that you, dear?'"

4 comments:

A Daft Scots Lass said...

Everyone likes the smell of their own farts. The one who is smiling is the one who dropped it.

Joel Momberg said...

@Gillian ... Ahh yes my dear. The smile gives it away every time.

Kathy said...

This is Kathy, Joanne's daughter-in-law. Kevin, her son and my hubby, would like to add a hospital moment. As Mom was in a deep sleep while receiving chemo, she was handing over her hospital tray of food to Larry. Odd as it seems, when she was awake and alert, she continued handing over her food to Larry. Larry commented days later, that he'd prefer Joanne's local care is at Morton Plant Hospital. When asked why, he firmly stated that Morton Plant had the best cafeteria food in the county!

Joel Momberg said...

@Kathy ... Why am I not surprised. See? I knew that Joanne should've taken a test drive before marriage.