Skip to main content

Let's Talk Turkey

Thanksgiving was spent at Debbie's twin sister Dennie's house with most of the family there.

Since the Gallagher clan has more than (what seems like) 500 sons, daughters, grandkids, great grandkids and dogs ... there were only about 20 in attendance. Actually it was exactly 20 ... I know that for a fact based on Dennie's precise plate count (which I will tell you about later in this writing).

The morning started out with a trip to Menorah Manor to pick up Sam. He was dressed and ready ... although he somehow thought we were coming at 4 instead of 2:30 ... and he was wearing his favorite Haband slacks and purple shirt. His Habands were ordered from a catalogue that we know well, because we hear the story repeatedly about how he opened an account, got confused on the "discount", stopped his account, ordered more and opened another account, got upset and cancelled that one as well.

Sammy was pretty chatty on the way to Dennie's house. His big topic of discussion was produce. He just could not understand why the "Manor" was serving oranges from California. He also wanted to know where all the Chiquita bananas were. He hasn't seen any lately and that disturbed him as well.    

When you are 89, apparently food is the main thing you talk about when you're not talking about bruising and bathroom skills. For my Dad ... sports is the other thing on his mind. Thanksgiving Day football ... especially because the Saints were playing ... was his main focus when he hit the door and shuffled his walker to a big chair right in front of the TV.

The usual pre-turkey conversations took place ... Mark and I talked about gambling, Debbie and Lee talked about real estate (which prompted yet another diatribe about the banks and their sinister plot to punish people who want to close on their homes on time), the kids were all talking to themselves by cell phone, Larry talked about his gall bladder (so did all the sisters), Kevin talked about fishing and Kelli talked about her kitchen expansion and a hilarious discussion that her builder and the interior designer had about the size of the refrigerator handles (short and thick or long and thin).   

Patty talked about .... something.

Despite Larry blowing his nose, Sam coughing up pieces of turkey and Kelli gagging ... we made it through the meal.

During dinner, Lydia, a family friend came in late. It was then that I found out about the plate count. You see, when she tried to serve herself, she mentioned to Dennie that there were no plates.

"Of course there are plates. You are the 20th guest and I bought exactly 20 plates from Sam's Club."

Mark looked over at my plate and said ... "Joel's got two."

He was right. My expensive plastic plate had leaked so someone had double plated me.

"Use the second one that Joel has." Dennie said.

I lifted my other plate and cleaned it off for our other guest.

"See. I knew I had 20," Dennie said.

"Dennie. Why did you buy exactly 20?" I asked ... not even bothering to ask why we couldn't use one real plate or heaven forbid buy more.




"Well .... because that's how they come. In 20s."

  

Comments

Courtney DeHaven said…
Too funny! So sorry we missed it.
Anonymous said…
Enjoyed this, Joel! I might add that Kevin and Mark disappeared with Kerri's boat, leaving three sad girls on the dock. By the way, where did they go?? Gab, Kerri, and Syd waited on the dock for about an hour and were entertained by Patty performng a song and dance, which made them feel so much better(he-he).
Joel Momberg said…
@Family members who shall remain nameless except for Courtney who we REALLY missed ... That was funny as hell, Keli.

Popular posts from this blog

SAMMY: The Novel (An Overview)

I finished writing Sammy:The Novel. 

So ... I called my good buddy and excellent writer, Dave Scheiber, to help me write an overview to pique the interest of publishers. The stuff that Dave wrote made me want to read my own book! We combined our efforts and here's what we came up with:

SAMMY (An Overview)

Sammy Levine, 86-year-old resident of Star of David nursing home, was not happy with his daily existence and dreamed of taking one last trip with his wife Esther (presently residing in an urn on the third shelf in his room). Sammy was careful about not exposing his plan to anyone, especially his son, Barry, who dutifully visited regularly and tried to make sure that he lived out his remaining days comfortably.

Through a carefully choreographed plan, Sammy managed to access personal information on three recently deceased residents from the nursing home’s computers. Then he applied for and obtained three new credit cards. Armed now with available cash and credit, he loaded up Esth…

Close Call

I was just putting the finishing touches on my new novel, Sammy, which will be available to order in November (shameless self promotion!) ... when I started thinking about some of the characters in my past life. One character I've actually written about in the past just popped into my head. It's a repeat story but I hope you enjoy it ... again.

When I was a Freshman at LSU, our dorm was set up like a suite with two adjoining double rooms and a common kitchen and living room. "Suite" really makes it sound much fancier than it was. Actually, living room makes it sound much fancier than it was. The walls were cinder block and the living room was about 100 square feet. I don't think four of us could even stand up in there at one time.

One of the four guys in our suite was the place kicker for the LSU Tigers. His name was Phil and he was from Bogalusa, Louisiana. He had the bed next to mine. Phil was about 6'8" and weighed well over 300 pounds. He was a big …

Princess Grace's Diary

We surprised our little princess, Grace on Friday with a last minute visit to Savannah. She and her BFF Stella had a joint princess birthday party.

It was of course no surprise to Deb and me that the trip had a few surprises for us, too.

It started out with a light show at the airport (we chose to fly rather than drive the 12 hours back and forth for one day). Lightning strikes were coming fast ... so the tarmac was closed until it settled down. We had to get to Atlanta in time to catch what had become the LAST flight of the night to Savannah at 11:20 PM.

We made it ... barely ... and fell asleep at 2 AM.

Up at 8 and out the door via Uber to The Landings (a mere 45 minute drive) and just in time to see this adorable duo.

Big brother Cole was  one of the "hosts".

Pony rides were there for the guests.

Matching Princess cakes (of course).

Lots of fun.

At about 2, Deb and I headed back to the airport with Nikki driving and made it in PLENTY of time to find out that there were n…