Sunday, April 4, 2010

Easter Greetings from the Jewish Guy

Happy Easter to my non-Jewish friends!
Note: Jews call the majority of the world "non-Jews". It's our way of dealing with the fact that most people are not Jewish and have control of the major holidays throughout the year.

My wife is a non-Jew (or shiksa). She, of course, celebrates Easter by going to church and praying for sinners like her husband who was sleeping when she left this morning.

I wasn't alone in bed. Yes ... there was a female snuggled right next to me. Her name was Gracie and Debbie was perfectly fine with this arrangement. In fact ... I was sleeping in Gracie's bed. And her cousin, Simon was sleeping close by.

Okay ... okay ... it's not as exciting as you think.

Gracie and Simon are dachsunds. Gracie belongs to Debbie's twin, Dennie and Simon belongs to Dennie's daughter Courtney. We are dog sitting this weekend at Dennie and Tom's house. Gracie apparently sleeps in their bed and Simon sleeps under it.

I had a little trouble sleeping last night. I can't really blame the dogs ... just getting used to a different bed and a different house. It didn't help that on the bedside table was a picture of a crucified Jesus being helped off the cross. It was less scary to me than the one Dennie used to have ... Hologram Jesus who followed you with his eyes. Tom, my equal in lack of religious fervor, sent me a great book that I now keep at home next to my bed. It has pictures of Jesus and Mary on food and other objects.

Of course ... this all pales to "Big Mary", Debbie's travelling statue that I had the pleasure of meeting when we were dating. She was a three foot tall statue on wheels that sat next to me at dinnertime that was never talked about until I asked the question ...

"Um ... Debbie? That's an interesting statue of ... is it Mary?"
Debbie ... "Oh that. I was hoping you might not notice. I know that probably freaked you out."
Me ... "Notice? I was going to invite her to sit down to dinner with us."
Debbie ... "She's a travelling Mary ... I have her for a few weeks and then the man picks her up and takes her somewhere else. My mom arranged it."

I asked her no more questions.




By the way, I DID finally get to sleep last night. Eventually, I laid the picture down so Jesus couldn't see me and I couldn't see him.

Before I get hit by lightning ... have a great Easter Sunday.

8 comments:

Bossy Betty said...

Happy Easter! Happy Spring! No worries. I think Jesus has a picture of your by his bedside too and I am sure he does the same thing when he can't sleep.

Joel Momberg said...

@Betty ... Ya think?? Happy Easter Betty,

Toni said...

You made me laugh so hard that I spit coffee out my nose...thanks for that!

Joel Momberg said...

@Toni ... Love that. Send me a picture!

Carolina Valdez Miller said...

Hahaha! So funny. I feel compelled to tell you something I overheard on Good Friday:

Goober1: I really need to get a ham for Easter before they run out.

Goober2: Why ham? Who eats ham for Easter?

Goober1: [rolling eyes] Well, Jewish people, for one thing.

P.S. Dachsunds are ridiculously cute.

Joel Momberg said...

@Carolina ... LOL ... Goobers are very interesting people ... not a Jew among them, huh? Thanks for reading my blog and for the comment!

Mr Monkey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr Monkey said...

Traveling Mary ... is that like the Mary in a half shell type thing. Have religion will travel. Nice writing it made me laugh