Friday, March 13, 2020

Further Random Thoughts

So unless you’ve just arrived on earth from the planet Zoltar, you know a little about the Coronavirus. Almost as depressing as the latest political interactions among our leaders and wannabes, the virus is now everywhere ... literally.

And I happen to be among the fortunate group known as “corona-screwed”. You know ... the older population who are medically compromised. (As if they really need to add the last part. If you’re old and have not had any medical issues, your unicorn is waiting). And if it’s not bad enough that everyone is limited in their daily activities to reduce the spread of the virus, my group has been told that we could go anywhere in the world as long as it’s within the four walls of our bedrooms.

What does this new world order mean for me? I took stock of my favorite activities and found the limitations to be somewhat daunting.


1. Spending time with grandkids.

Tough to do when I think about one on each arm and one climbing up my back with those adorable runny noses and cute coughs reaching up to my face. They really are cute ... snot and all. But every time I visit I pay the price of a day or two in bed with a cold. The only way to visit and be protected is to separate them with a window and one of those prison phones.

2. Travel to cool places

That’s out. There are no safe places to visit and if I do find one on a deserted island I would still have to travel via the big flying germ factory in the sky. Every time I fly it seems that 75% of the passengers are sneezing and sharing their germs. Can’t open a window either.

3. The Casino

Probably the worst of all. Thousands of degenerate gamblers like me in smoke filled rooms where the object is to collect dirty chips and cash, play with reused dice or push thousands of buttons on slot machines that have been touched by the United Nations.


4. Going to ballgames, concerts and stuff.

Remember when we used to have ballgames and concerts? No more. Oh there might be a game or two played ... but you have to watch it on TV because there are no fans allowed. Just got our Rays season tickets last week. Oh well.

5. Monitoring my retirement fund online.

Talk about depressing. The computer screen has to add another segment on the lower right to be able to capture the descending line. Today it was on the floor next to my computer.




I watched a movie the other day that really had the answer to our problem. Bruce Willis played a cop. The movie was called Surrogates. It was a sci-fi set in the future and the premise was that everyone was connected to perfect replica robots that they mentally controlled from their homes. They could experience everything their robot did and be safe and secure (and waste away in bed).

Well, I didn't say it was a GOOD answer.

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