Thursday, November 22, 2018

Lettuce Romaine Calm (Revised)

So tonight, Debbie and I were headed out to dinner after debating which of the half dozen or so restaurants we usually visit sounded the most worthy of our presence.

There was something different about Debbie tonight when she slipped into the car. Was it her hair? A new style or color? No. New clothes? Don’t think so. Of course, who am I fooling? I’d never know. Maybe it was the perfume. Naw ... she smelled the same.

Wait a minute.

She was carrying a plastic ziplock bag. That was it. New purse design? Nope there was something green inside ... was it ... “Lettuce? Are you bringing lettuce to the restaurant?” I asked.

“No silly. “

“Not lettuce? ”

“Well yes it is lettuce. Romaine lettuce to be exact. But I’m not bringing it to the restaurant. I thought we’d swing by Publix so I could get a refund.”

“Refund? For romaine?”

“Yes. Ecoli ... you know.”

“Yeah I heard. But why don’t you just throw it away? How much are you gonna get back on that one lettuce leaf?”

“I dunno. Maybe $4-$5.”

“Just throw it away.”

“You see? Just like you to just throw away $5.”

“I mean they are really giving you $5 for that disgusting looking lettuce leaf. “

“Just drive,”

Well, we wound up dining at a Mexican restaurant (serenaded by a mariachi band who trapped us in a booth). Debbie ordered (duh) a salad. Of course she asked everyone from the poor waiter who spoke no English to the manager if there was any romaine lettuce in her salad. When she was satisfied there was none ... she asked for a to go box. We talked to some friends we ran into, drove home an hour and a half later and forgot the stupid romaine which is now rotting in my car.

Ballad of the Big Prostate

Here’s a little country tune I wrote just yesterday to commemorate a dark day in my history. I don’t have a tune but realized you can use an...