Thursday, July 8, 2010

Conversations With Sammy

Yogi Berra has nothin' on Sam.

Today, Debbie and I went to Menorah Manor for his birthday celebration. When we arrived ... all the birthday celebrants were gathered around the decorated tables ready to sing happy birthday and partake of the huge birthday cake centerpiece.

All were there ... except for Sam.

We went upstairs to his room and found him asleep wearing one shirt backward over his other shirt ... snoring happily.

"Hey Dad ..."

"Huh?" He looks at us for a minute.  "Oh ... what are you doing here?"

"We came to celebrate your birthday. Why aren't you downstairs?"



"Aww ... I don't like hanging around all those old people."

"They have cake and ice cream."

"What did you say?"


"I don't need one ... I hear fine ... besides, they just cleaned out all the wax in my ears and gave me drops yesterday."

Debbie almost passed out.

"Joel ... Listen ..." Sam always starts thoughts this way. "Do you have Nikki's phone number?"

Debbie (getting a little color back in her face). "Sam ... she has the same number that she had when she was here."

"Oh ... do you have it?"

I said ... stupidly, "It's in your phone ... I put it in there last year."

"Oh ... can you give it to me, then?"


"I wanted to thank her for sending me the pictures. I show them to everybody. You know I can't believe it ... I'm the only grandfather who has a grandchild who's a doctor ... I am so proud ....

Debbie and I smilled. "That's very nice..."

"I am so proud ... of me."

"Of you?"

"Yes ... of me. She's my granddaughter and she's a doctor."

We both stifle the laughter to the point of choking.

Sam rubs his forehead. "Joel ... listen ... you know that gal who's up for the Judge position?"

"You mean Kagan, the Supreme Court nominee?" How I knew what he meant was frightening to me.


I suspected he heard her remarks about the Jewish religion so I asked .. "You heard her comment about being in a Chinese Restaurant for Christmas like the rest of the Jews?"

"No ... she said that?"

"Yeah. Pretty funny huh?"

" ... hey ... listen ... you think she's a lesbian?"

I didn't see that one coming. "I really haven't thought about it."

Debbie changed the subject. "So Sam ... what have you been doing lately?"

"Nothin' ... we went to Olive Garden ... that was nice. They just took the people who walk ... no wheelchairs ... "


Sam continued. "Oh ... we had a belly dancer too."

"At Olive Garden?"

"No downstairs ... she was some hot broad ... "

We both nodded.

"Joel ... listen ... you remember Chris Owens?"

"The stripper in New Orleans?"

"She is not a STRIPPER. She is an exotic dancer."

"Oh ... excuse me ... the exotic stripper?"

"Joel ... she is NOT a stripper."

"Well ... she's about 90 years old and still on Bourbon Street ... I HOPE she's not a stripper now."

"She's a fine woman. I know her and I know her husband ... he was a cheerleader at Warren Easton with me."

I am not making this up, folks ... he really said it. I had no reply for this one either.

"Well ... Dad ... we really gotta get back to work ..."

"Oh ... well thanks for coming ... good to see you guys."

We exchanged good byes and headed out the door ... behind me I heard ...

"Oh ... Joel .... LISTEN ...."


Anonymous said...

Oh Joel.. Listen..that was a great post. Poor Debbie.

joel said...

Thanks Virginia. Yes Debbie is a saint.

Bobby Allan said...

This is every conversation with my parents.

kcl said...

I play bridge with a precious guy who just turned ninety and went to Warren Easton. I asked him if he knew Sam and he said the name is very familiar, very familiar. He is adorable and still has his NO accent even though he left shortly after his WE days. So, tell Sam, Bill Scapero says hi.

joel said...

@Chrissy ... I thought we might have been separated at birth.

@kc ... I'll tell Sammy about him. Thanks. Hey we must have gone to school together or at least been in New Orleans at the same time. If you feel like sharing ... Tell me your name.

kcl said...

I was the little nebish in the children's dept.

joel said...

@kcl ... shoes? with Miss Nancy? We were all nebbishes. What's your name?

kcl said...

Kay, worked with Bev Lazarus in children's clothes. Started in gift wrap with Ms Ruby.
Graduated from Dominican in '68.

joel said...

@Kay ... I must be getting old ... Oh wait ... I am old. I don't remember the Childrens clothing area ... at GM? If you want to ... Leave me info on my Facebook page and we'll talk about old times. Thanks for reading my stuff and your great comments. Joel

kcl said...

You are definitley not old because that would make me old and that's not happening. Children's was that large space between Men's Dept and Ladies Shoes. I worked mostly upstairs and did all the marking and inventory for Children's ('65-'69). Facebook is too much of a challenge for me. (I couldn't even figure out how to do a picture that's why there are two of me, figured 30 yr old pic X 2) Love your blog, it makes me homesick in a good way and always makes me laugh.

joel said...

Thanks Kay ... Any time you want to talk ... Leave me an email address.


Ballad of the Big Prostate

Here’s a little country tune I wrote just yesterday to commemorate a dark day in my history. I don’t have a tune but realized you can use an...